I like to consider myself a fairly independent person. Do I want my manfriend to make me soup when I’m gross-flu-death girl? Definitely. Do I want him to pay my rent for me? Certainly not.
That said, I’ve also found myself in a relationship where we ended up having joint finances before we even sat down to think about it. He had lost his job and it just seemed like the loving and logical thing to help him out until he found something else. Other times couples go through the “you pay for this and I’ll pay you back” so often that the balance sheet becomes a bit blurry. And before you know it you’re sharing a bank account.
That’s not always a bad thing; if you’re one of those blessedly blissful couples who are so communally minded that you never have to deal with issues like entitlement, mistrust or codependence. But most of us are human. If you want your relationship to survive your financial issues, it’s important to follow rules of financial harmony.
Make a list, and check it twice
There are lots of ways to spend your money, and we often do so without really understanding where the money goes. Start by having each of you make a list. Do this separately. Include all your regular expenses like rent or mortgage payments, heat, hydro, your car, and insurance premiums.
Also put what you typically spend in a month on things like shopping and going out. Add on there purchases you wish to make, like a kick butt new mountain bike or season tickets to the theater.
Bring it out into the open
Money is one of those things that need to be talked about. Avoiding the issue will only increase the stress associated with it. So get over it already; this is simply too important for you to bury your head in the sand.
By talking about money frequently, openly, and without immense worry and pressure hanging over the conversation, it can just be something you two talk about, rather than something you perpetually dread talking about.
Go over lists together
When you’ve made the decision to set up housekeeping together you need to go over the list of expenses you each made. Decide which ones are joint expenses (that would be things like rent and utilities) and which ones are individual, or personal, expenses (shoes and clothing). It’s more difficult than it sounds and some of the expenses on each of your lists will bear discussing. Is his beer club membership a shared expense, or a personal one?
Start afresh
Start from scratch by opening a joint checking account. Use it to pay the household bills and other expenses that you agreed would be joint ones. Have your own bank account for personal purchases like presents for your partner, donations to charities that your partner doesn’t give a fig about, or, heaven forbid, hitting the road if things don’t go as planned.
This post was written by the staff of the Datepad.com internet dating company where you can read hundreds of helpful dating posts.
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