Isn’t it interesting how many times people are given unfair labels just because they are dating. For example, a girl who is being cautious and safe is called “frigid”. A man who is being pro-active is called a “player”. All they want to do though, is find and date partners at their own pace.
There are so many labels out there that sometimes I am amazed anyone still wants to date. Also, as these labels can be hurtful, they can change the way you make your decisions when dating, putting you in an uncomfortable or even dangerous situation.
In this article I want to discuss the term that is being bandied around a fair bit at the moment – the player. I want to focus on the player particularly because of a comment I heard recently. This comment was “Yes, everyone calls him a player, but I don’t understand it. When you ask them, no-one has seen him “playing”.”
Why is it that a man who is interested at improving himself romantically, who discusses his experiences with the intent on improving himself, is labelled a “player”?
Women are much better at discussing their romantic life with each other than men are. Therefore they are much better at learning from each other. However there are groups of men who have set up little communities, with the simple aim of learning how to better interact with women to produce a more mutually beneficial and enjoyable dating experience.
As women tend to discuss things much more openly and honestly among themselves, they are much better situated to learn about men, than men are to learn about women. Women can learn from each others experiences whereas men must learn from their own experiences only.
There tends to be two reasons why this situation arises. The first is because men, in their groups of mates, tend to be very competitive leading to displays of bravado. Also, men can feel that by speaking to their mates about what really is going on, they are somehow “betraying” their dating partner. After all, “a gentleman never kisses and tells”.
This causes a big issue in our society today. If you, as a man, actively pursue learning and self improvement in the romantic part of your life, you will create a more harmonious and enjoyable experience for yourself AND the women you are dating. This is a good thing. If being called a player is a barrier to this (ie. it makes you feel uncomfortable about sharing your experiences with other me and/or looking for advice), it becomes a inhibitor to your happiness and the happiness of the women you date. That cannot be good!
So, if you are single, a man and interested in understanding more about women, no doubt you have faced these challenges yourself. Keep the faith, forget what everyone says, you are not a player. As long as you are being compassionate to your dating partners, continue on your journey of self discovery and improvement. It is a good thing.
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