It is impossible to be with someone and stay married without the occasional argument, misunderstanding and frustration. A smooth-sailing marriage is something to aspire for, but there is room for arguments in even the healthiest of relationships. Arguments are not necessarily an indicator of a troubled marriage. However, what signals marital trouble is when you find yourself in the middle of a tension-filled relationship, especially when you get stressed and anxious when you think about your spouse and your marriage.
“Do I want to save my marriage?” A willingness to do what must be done to save your marriage is the most important thing. What would make it even better is if you and your spouse are on board – ready, willing and able to work on your marital issues and concerns. In fact, perhaps working together on your marriage will show how well you two work together.
“Can I save my marriage?” You can, if you want to, if you put your mind to it and if your spouse is prepared to save your marriage as well. It takes two to create a marriage, two to make a marriage work, and two to break a marriage.
“Why should I save my marriage?” Do you want to save your marriage because of the kids? Maybe you believe in the sanctity of marriage and the meaning of the vows you uttered on your wedding day. You may be afraid/ashamed/embarrassed at what other people will say if you leave your marriage. You may be afraid of your spouse and the repercussions of your desire to end everything. All these are valid reasons. Only you can determine what you want.
“How can I save my marriage?” Start by communicating. Talking and communicating are two different things. You can be a chatterer, talking your head off, but you are not really communicating well or not fully expressing what you mean. Your spouse has things to say. Be interested sincerely in what your spouse has to say. Do not tune out. The person you talk to can detect it. If listening seems difficult, put yourself in their position – how does it feel not to be listened to? Ask questions, then wait and listen for the response. Take time to listen to what they say and be sensitive to what they do not say. Make them feel validated and heard. Let your spouse finish talking. Do not finish statements for them. Make your partner feel special. Respond in kind. Do not assume you know what your partner’s thinking of. After you and your spouse have done all these things, give it time. Sometimes a marriage isn’t really over until it’s over.
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