Thinking About Anger Management

It is worth reviewing anger and aggression to have a deeper understanding of our emotions and work toward anger management. Often when someone feels frustrated they are liable to explode when their emotions are heightened. Frustration does not occur over night; rather frustration occurs when underlying issues come into focus. So, frustration is a very deep, unsatisfied sense or state of lack of confidence and displeasure arising from unsettled grievances or unfulfilled desires.

So anger is the emotion a person experiences when he or she does not get their way, or when a series of issues, which had lain buried waiting for the time to attack, rise to the surface. Aggression is a forceful act or modus operandi utilized to dominate another individual. Therefore, aggression is an argumentative, harmful or destructive mode of behavior, especially when caused by frustration. Aggression can be good if our lives are in danger, but in most instances aggression is only destructive.

Assertiveness on the other hand, is a very effective method of showing your feelings to someone else without causing injury, havoc or argument. Assertiveness is a strong, bold confident quality, which we have within us to help us to defend our rights when others are trying to do us wrong. If you learn the difference between aggression and assertiveness you will learn a good behavioural pattern, while taking control of your life and avoiding further problems.

So, if you are feeling frustrated, you might want to sit down and rethink your situation, opinions, theories, reasoning etc. By reviewing the sources that make you angry, you can reduce the tension when you feel anger rising; then you will realize that it is not worth getting angry about, as the causes of your frustrations are out of your control. For example, when you are evaluating yourself, you might see another point of view and conclude that your frustration is out of order.

Assertive action against a person who has wronged you, can be far more effective than blowing a fuse. We can see from an example, how a person loses his or her temper and what consequences he or she must face because of it.

For instance, a couple of friends are engaged in an argument and a fight breaks out. One of the people was accused of spreading lies about the other one. The ensuing violent episode attracts the neighbours who call the police. When the police come, both friends are placed in handcuffs and both are lead off to gaol. Their problems have increased because they both may have to pay fines, court costs and, possibly, probation fees. So, one problem has led to a series of other problems and it does not stop there. When the pair has paid off all of their fines, costs and so forth, they will have a police record whereby everyone will judge them for the rest of their lives, considering them immature, violent people not to be trusted.

Now let’s take a look at a different example were assertiveness was used in the scenario. Two people are talking to each other after one person has spread rumours throughout the neighborhood about the other person. The victim of the rumours walks up to his friend and inquires, “Why are you telling people I have a drinking problem?” The other person says, ‘I did not tell anyone you have a drinking problem”. “I don’t believe you, sorry!”, says the first person, “You told my best friend and he’s not a liar”. “Well, I thought you had a drinking problem because you are drinking every time I came to your house”.

‘Just because I have a drink every time you come to my home doesn’t mean that I have a drinking problem. I won’t let you to continue dragging my name through the mud and nor will I allow you to visit my place again, if you continue lying about me. Friends don’t harm their friends. So, if you have any more concerns about me, why not just talk to me about them instead of going behind my back’. What a very good job! This person did a great job asserting himself and the results will surely prove successful. Let’s see what happens next. ‘I’m really sorry; I didn’t mean to offend you. I will speak to you next time I am concerned about you. However, I am still concerned that your drinking may be a problem, since you do drink every time I come around to your home’. ‘Well, OK then let’s go to my place and discuss the matter’.