Once we’ve finally found true love and intimacy, we like to believe it should stay that way forever. I mean, it was quite a challenge to finally find it, so we should at least get to keep it when it happens.
Then we find out that it doesn’t work that way. Intimacy and true love is a dynamic process, not a static emotion. Our feelings of closeness and love with our mate ebb and flow with feelings of irritation, disappointment, upset and indifference.
Most of us adults discover that it is easier to fall in love than to actually stay in love. What, then, can we do to have more true love?
This is a complex topic worthy of the tons of books written about it, but there are some good guidelines to follow. You’ve already made a good step if you have realized that love is not like some medal you get pinned on your chest that you get to keep. Love is dynamic and will change.
Given that love is not like an award you get to keep forever on the wall of your bedroom, you can also appreciate this: relationships actually are an inquiry into intimacy and loving. You get to keep learning about them and how you need to be to keep them present in your experience.
At this point you can hopefully understand that relationships are an opportunity to grow in your ability to love. Part of this is to become an adult rather than a child when it comes to love. The honeymoon phase will wear off in every relationship. That’s gonna happen. And that’s when you get to learn more about how to truly love another when the infatuation wears off.
Learning to truly love is learning a lot about yourself and life. One thing you will need to learn is Acceptance. Accepting your mate for who they are, not your fantasy infatuated ideal of who they are.
Learning to truly love means not giving up on love when the going gets rough. When the infatuation wears off. When you start to have some conflicts. You can love another and have some conflict. Another important thing to learn about adult love is not expecting our partner to fill all of our inner emptiness. Expecting another to keep you eternally happy is childish fantasy. There’s more to learning to love, but this is a start.
If you would like to make a comment, please fill out the form below.
