The worst part of the end of a relationship can be the lack of one. The open-endedness and plaguing questions of why and how it all went downhill can keep you up at night. We’ve all been there, waiting for answers that never came and wasting precious time trying to get that closure from an ex who just wasn’t willing to give it.
I’ve scoured libraries, the Internet and talked to experts searching for some guidance to help deal with the ambiguous end of a relationship, but most of what I learned didn’t come from any of those places. It came from experience. It came from my girl friends’ experiences. And it came from being the one left confused and broken-hearted. Whether it was a long drawn-out breakup or one that ended abruptly without warning, below are some tips on how to move on to bigger and better things”specifically a new you.
Play it cool. After your break up, friends will flock into your house to be with you, listen to your side and of course get to know what went wrong. This is more likely to happen a few months after a break up. At these times, talking trash about your ex will do no good but harm both to you and your ex. It is important to let go all the negative emotions inside you about the break up, but take some responsibility. It still is best to clear your name of the drama.
Don’t play the victim. Women always tend to be the helpless and wounded in movies, and it’s seemingly no different when it comes to relationships. According to the American Psychological Association, women are twice as likely to develop depression than men. Don’t get me wrong, the sympathy is nice when we feel lost and lonely, but it only makes us that much more vulnerable. Be strong and positive. Easier said than done of course, but the stronger-willed we are, the less likely we are to make bad decisions and be taken advantage of by the hard-to-resist rebound.
Work on you. In the aftermath of a breakup, we often see ourselves wallowing in our sorrows. Wallowing is okay, in fact needed, but only for a certain period of time. Life has so much to offer, you don’t want to miss it, don’t you?
Refocus your life. This step is the hardest because it forces us to admit the relationship is completely over. Sit down and make a new list of priorities”sans ex”and figure out what is important to you. Give precedence to your family, friends, career and yourself. Find ways to fill that time left void by him and try new things. Push for that promotion, reconnect with old friends and take a mini-vacation with your mom or sister. Whatever it is, just count him out.
Break ups are optional. I was once skeptic too. But I’ve thought about the evidence out there, that we dont really have to break up if we dont want to do so. There are, in fact, wonderful relationships that went through tough times too. Those relationships became strong relationships. If you want to be together, and your heart echoes that sentiment, listen to your heart and just make it happen.
Moving on has stages and the journey to it is different for everyone. Some may race through stages that take others an age to pass through and some may choose to take the road less traveled. Asking why, how and what if — the plague of those kind of questions is certainly not the key to getting the closure you need and moving on after a break up.
If you would like to make a comment, please fill out the form below.
