The petty fights have escalated. The long, drawn out silences are nearly deafening now. You can be in the same bed for an entire night and never once touch each other. There is trouble in your relationship and you both know it. But how can you save it? What can you try before it is simply too late?
The fact that you are both willing to try anything at all is a good sign in my book, And there are ways to save a relationship, but it takes work.
1. It’s time to think about your past. Why did you get together in the first place? Did she have the best sense of humor? Did he looking hot in his football uniform? Try to be as specific as possible about why you were first attracted to each other. Find something that will allow you to feel reconnected to each other.
Go see a comedian and watch her sense of humor come out. Find his old uniform and ask him to put it on. Even if you have to make believe that you are the people you once were for a few minutes, try to relive when your love was just blooming. Chances are the feelings are still in you, they just get buried under the weight of everyday life. Let them reemerge.
2. Touch each other just to touch. Often when we are mad, have hurt feelings or feel sad, we close into ourselves. We no longer reach out to the people we love and that will make them have hurt feelings, anger and sadness. Reach out and touch your wife’s hair. Rest your hand on your husbands arm. Lightly touch each other as you are walking past. It doesn’t matter what you do as long as you are touching.
3. Kiss each other. Kissing is not the same as touching. Touching someone can be taken as accidental but when you kiss someone there is no doubt that it was meant. Cup your husbands face in your hands, stare him in the eyes and slowly and lightly kiss him. Passion can swiftly melt away anger.
4. Change the scenery you are in. Looking at the same old walls when you are upset with someone can definitely make it seem more like a prison then a home. Go somewhere different even if you just spend the weekend in a hotel. The change of scenery may just make you relaxed enough that you can talk about what the problem is, or it could even make the problem seem so small that you realize that it is no big deal.
5. Act like you are strangers. Have you ever noticed that we treat perfect strangers with more dignity and respect than we do our loved ones? Our manners in general public can be exquisite while at home we turn into Penny and Paulie Pig, grunting and squealing at our spouses. Doesn’t sound fair, does it? Try to be more polite while at home and see if that changes things. Ask sweetly for something and include a “please.” Say thank you for tasks completed, no matter how small. Give and receive compliments graciously. Act like you really do like this person.
Every little thing you do to save your marriage will take you one step closer to having the relationship you once had.
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