We can review anger and aggression to have a deeper understanding of our emotions and work toward anger management. Often when someone feels frustrated they are subject to get really angry if their emotions are heightened. Frustration does not occur over night; rather frustration occurs when previous issues come into focus. So, frustration is a very deep, unrelieved sense or state of lack of confidence and displeasure arising from unsettled grievances or unfulfilled desires.
So, anger is the feeling a person gets when he or she does not get their way, or when a series of issues, which had lain buried waiting for the time to spring forth, rise to the surface. Aggression is a forceful act or modus operandi utilized to dominate another individual. Aggression is an argumentative, harmful or destructive way of behaving especially when caused by frustration. Aggression can be a good thing if your life is in danger, but in most instances aggression is a destructive force.
Assertiveness on the other hand is an effective method of communicating your feelings to another individual without causing injury, havoc or antipathy. Assertiveness is a strong, bold,confident quality we have within us in order to help us to take care of our rights when others want to do us wrong. If we learn the difference between aggression and assertiveness we can learn a good behavioural pattern, while taking control of our life and avoiding more problems.
If you are feeling frustrated, you might want to sit down and review your beliefs, opinions, theories, reasoning etc. By reviewing the things that make you angry, you can reduce the tension when you see anger brewing; you will then realize that it is not worth getting angry, since the causes of your frustrations are out of your control. For example, when you are considering your situation, you might see another point of view and conclude that your frustration is out of order.
Assertive action against an individual that has wronged you, can prove more effective than blowing a fuse. We can see in an example, how one person loses his temper and what consequences he or she must face because of it.
For instance, two friends are engaged in an argument and a fight breaks out. One of the individuals was accused of spreading lies about the other one. The ensuing violent episode attracts the neighbours who call the police. When the police come, both friends are placed in handcuffs and both are taken to jail. Their problems have increased as they both may have to pay fines, court costs and, possibly, probation fees. Therefore, one problem has led to a series of other problems but it does not stop there. When the pair has paid off all of their fines, costs and so forth, they will have a police record whereby everyone will judge them for the rest of their lives, considering them immature, violent people not to be trusted.
Now let us take a look at another example were assertiveness was used in the scenario. A couple of people confront each other after one person has spread rumours throughout the neighborhood about the other person. The victim of the rumours walks up to his friend and inquires, “Why are you telling people I have a drinking problem?” The other person says, ‘I did not tell anyone you have a drinking problem”. “I don’t believe you, sorry!”, says the first person, “You told my best friend and he is not a liar”. “Well, I thought you had a drinking problem because you are drinking every time I came to your house”.
‘Just because I am drinking every time you come by my home doesn’t mean that I have a problem. I won’t let you to continue putting me down and I won’t allow you to visit my place again, if you keep telling lies about me. Friends don’t harm their friends. So, if you have any problems with me just talk to me about them instead of going behind my back’. What a very good job! This person did a great job asserting himself and the results will most likely prove fruitful. Let’s see what happens next. ‘I’m really sorry; I didn’t mean to offend you. I will speak to you next time I have a problem with you. However, I am still concerned that your drinking may be a problem, since you do drink every time I visit your home’. ‘Well, OK then let’s go to my place and discuss the matter’.
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