When a new boy was referred to my class I thought back to how I felt years ago when a new child was starting…
He’s been for a look around, so he knows where he’s coming to. I think he’ll be ok. What’s he like? He’s a really young kid who’s been causing disaster at mainstream school, has been excluded on numerous occasions and is now on the point of being excluded for good. It’s a total disaster for him. I’m pretty sure he hasn’t a clue what all this means to either his present or future. His appalling behaviour has become so normal for him that he’s probably lost sight of what’s good and what isn’t. I truly sympathise with kids who have been allowed to descend into such a mess.
I’ve got all the new little guy’s work ready, a tray labelled so he knew where his stuff was and a table where he would work. Then I could pretty much forget about him until I the thought appeared…
It wasn’t always the same as it is now… A few years ago, when each new child was referred to me, I had the same thought.. ‘Is this the one I won’t have success with, the one where it won’t work out?’ When a child used to visit, I didn’t see the real child. Instead, I saw the child written about in the reports. The child would build up in my mind and become physically and psychologially larger until they were enormous. But, when they turned up on the first day I’d see this little kid – unsure, looking for support and help. All the previous negative thoughts had served no purpose – but such an easy trap to enter… the wrong state of mind before you even start – a bad place to be…
How are things so different now? Well, I have so much more experience, I’m confident and very comfortable with how I manage children’s behaviour. It’s now so firmly embedded – I work on instinct. My techniques have evolved through using them consistently, every day. So now I have no doubts at all the they’ll succeed. I know that any extreme behaviour that’s seen elsewhere won’t happen when a child is in my classes.
I’m never complacent – I know what could happen if I were… All the reports that have been written are full of the horror stories about these children’s behaviour – it’s not good to read. Generally the situation has become dire by the time the schools refer to me – numerous other professionals want their say and want their advice to be followed before they all admit defeat… So by this time the potential behaviour that I could face is horrendous!! But I know it won’t happen – this little boy will do ok for me… I can pretty well guarantee it…
What are my thoughts now with this new starter? Well, very different from years ago – positive and full of confidence – no doubts or nerves. I’m totally at ease with my behaviour management techniques – it’s instincitive and natural and the children are confident in the adult dealing with them, enabling them to change their behaviour for the better. They’ll successfully reintegrate back into their mainstream school. So do I have a problem with behaviour? Yes, but it’s not with the kids!! It’s the adults, and getting them to change their behaviour that’s the big problem!!
Liz Marsden is a child behaviour management expert who manages children whose behaviour is so extreme they are at risk of permanent exclusion from mainstream school. She uses her expertise in her own classroom and to train teachers, students, teaching assistants and parents to manage children’s behaviour effectively. Liz’s highly recommended book, Behaviour Bible will give you invaluable advice to improve your classroom or parenting confidence.
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