It is obvious that the way men and women approach relationship is different. Nothing unusual there. But it is useful relationship intelligence to understand a bit more about how men and women are lined up towards intimacy.
Men do not, as a general rule, innately understand some core skills around building intimacy. They do not generally get much practice or put much attention on nurturing, empathizing, and focusing on the wants of others.
Yes, men know how to communicate, but the way in which we communicate is often different than females, it is usually oriented towards problem-solving (a form of winning), and establishing dominance (or avoiding it from others).
As adults, men know much about winning and losing, competition and control, and actually know little about feelings and empathy and focusing outside themselves on the needs and wants of others.
Growing up, boys play different games than girls. Playing cowboys and Indians and playing army, boys learn about territory and dominance. Nothing wrong with boys playing such games, it is actually good for them developmentally, but they don’t learn much about loving and empathizing and nurturing.
Girls of course played different games than boys. Girls spend years playing with dolls. Imagine that! Girls spend years playing at nurturing and loving their dolls. So when it comes to relationship skills, which sex brings the most talent to the table?
Is it men, who learned early to say “I shot you, you are dead!” Or is it women, who learned early how to nurture and empathize and socialize?
Here’s the thing to take away from all this. If you are a woman, dont just assume that men know what to do or how to get and stay close. Don’t just get frustrated and want to give up. Give them some guidance. If you are a man, understand that it is useful at times to let women lead, to learn from them about how to connect and nurture and build intimacy.
If you would like to make a comment, please fill out the form below.
