The trauma of a breakup is never an easy thing to put up with. There are times when everything you do seems to shove him farther away, and where you’re at your wits end trying to figure out something, anything you can do. Here are some proven techniques to get you over this hurdle.
You find yourself calling. Or IMing, or text messaging. You wonder if he thinks about you at all, and then you start to pity yourself. Maybe you want to make him feel sorry for you, or to take you back and make it all right. Maybe some desperate part of you wishes it would all magically get better, or wishes there were something you could do to bring him back.
If those are the patterns of your thoughts, then no matter how much you want to rekindle or jump start this relationship, and we know it’s what you want – or you wouldn’t be reading this article – it’s not gonna work. You see, those patterns of actions come off as being clingy and smothering and controlling, and just the same way you’d back off if he did them to you, he’s going to run for the hills when you point the “pity me” parade at him.
If you want to have a fate of something better than some ex he thinks about while shaking his head, thinking “What the hell did I see in her?”, read on. Otherwise, just do what you’re doing, and become one of those girls who never goes out anymore, got it?
Think back to the things that made you attractive to him when you first started dating. Focus on those parts of your life that are yours alone, not some adjunct of couplehood, and above all else – cut him (and yourself) some breathing room. Put a notice on your calendar that you won’t talk to him for a month. You won’t call him, IM him, text message him, whatever. Then spend that month on some serious ‘me’ time.
Take a different approach. Think about what your life was like before you found this guy. You had friends. You did some pretty cool stuff with them. They’re still out there, and you should gang with them and go do something fun. Get the hell out of the house.
While you’re at it, get his phone number off your cell, don’t read his LiveJournal or Facebook profile, don’t look into his life. Focus on yours. Learn to cook. Knit a sweater, Volunteer at your local homeless shelter or library. Take up rock climbing or, hell, Dungeons and Dragons. Do things that interest youand when he doesn’t hear from you, let the burden be on him to ask what the hell is going on.
Who knows, maybe with a bit of time to see who you are without the filter of the breakup, his interest will rekindle. Or maybe you’ll decide he wasn’t worth all that mess anyway – and you’ll have learned something about yourself. Either way, keep yourself grounded, focused on the things that make your life fun with nobody else in it and hang out with your buddies. And stop asking “What can I do to get my ex boyfriend back”. Oh, and you can put that annoying Alanis Morisette CD back on the rack. It’s served it’s purpose.
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