When we lose our ex, we often think we’ve got to do all the talking to get them back. We think we’ve got to say we’re sorry one thousand times. We think we’ve got to sell ourselves and convince them we’ll change.
Now, how to get your ex back depends on why you broke up. There are three main reasons why relationships end. Your ex probably left you because you wronged them in some way. Something unpleasant happened, like you cheated on them. Or they just got fed up with poor behavior, like arguing or being too controlling. But one of the best ways to get your ex back in many cases is by listening to them talk.
Lets say your ex left you because they felt you were too jealous and controlling. You tried to know where they were at all times, you were jealous whenever they looked at someone else, that kind of thing. What happened is that their heart started to fill up with unpleasant feelings, like anger or hurt that you didn’t trust them. Eventually those feelings replaced their emotions of love and intimacy towards you. Now their heart is hardened towards you with negative feelings.
To get them back, you’ve got to help them to replace the negative emotions with positive ones. You’ve got to help them to release and resolve the negative feelings.
There is actually a powerful way to help them do this. Get them to vent. Help them to get those bad feelings off their chest. Once they’ve done this, they will start to feel better.
Venting is a way to get your ex to let go of their bad feelings towards you. Sure, you need to apologize and promise to be different in the future, and you’ve got to convince them you can change. But one of the best things to do before you apologize is to get them to vent.
Start off by asking them how what you did makes them feel. Then be a good listener. Don’t argue or defend or justify yourself. The idea is to get them to blow off steam.
If you can get them to vent a time or two, they will then have some room in their heart to feel good about you again. Your apology will likely be much better accepted.
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