Here’s how to save a relationship, but first a little story. Sean works late hours and Lizzy doesn’t feel like he has time for her. She spends most of her time taking care of the children and Sean doesn’t feel like she’s got time for him. Can their relationship be saved? Should it be saved?
Before a relationship can be saved, you have to decide if it’s worth saving. Most can be saved if both parties involved decide to put in the hard work sometimes required. If, however, one of the people involved isn’t dedicated to saving it, there isn’t much you can do.
The biggest challenge faced with how to save a relationship is that both people have to come to the decision that the relationship is actually worth saving. There are plenty of people driving by you every day that stay in “convenient” relationships or end up in marriages for the kids, and this just isn’t enough. You both have to be dedicated and certain it’s worth saving.
The next thing to do is zone in on the problem or problems in the relationships. One of the biggest issues faced with how to save a relationship is that people come to the conclusion that symptoms are actually problems. This is a common mistake, don’t make it. Focus on the actual problems.
An affair is something that often causes break ups, and most people see it as the problem, but more often than not, the affair is the symptom of the true problem. For example, a lack of true intimacy could be the actual problem. Most of us would look at the situation and say the affair caused the break up, but in actuality it was the symptom of the problem and intimacy was the core problem. If you aren’t able to deal with the real problem, you will be in trouble. You may be able to stop another affair with guilt, but another problem, like pornography addiction, may arise in it’s place.
You can only save the relationship when you deal with the core issues, rather than the symptoms.
Once the core issues have been identified, you can take a moment and speak your feelings to your partner. Allow them to do the same and hold your partner’s hand while listening to their feelings as a way to show them you want to reconnect even if you are emotional. If your partner talks about something that hurts you, try to remember that they aren’t doing it to hurt you purposefully, but are doing it because they want to improve the relationship.
If your biggest problem is that you don’t spend time together like you used to, schedule a weekend getaway or set up a weekly date night, even if it’s Wednesday. The two of you can take turns thinking of different fun ways to spend the evening together.
If communication is your issue, schedule 20 minutes before bed when you turn off the TV, shut down the computer and silence your phone and just talk, just the two of you. And, then take action and do it.
And Finally, you must realize that saving a relationship is a process. Often you will go two steps ahead and take one step back. There will be pain and joy as you move along. Just remember to be quick to apologize and slow to place blame.
Is the relationship your struggling with worth saving? I hope it is, and if you think so, follow the advice given in this article and be committed to it.
Want to find out more about How To Save Your Relationship, then visit Paul ‘PJ’ Jackson’s site and discover if you can Save Your Relationship or if it is doomed.
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