This might not be a place to admit it, but I don’t like the dating formula. The formula goes like this: you get asked “out”; you get dressed up – so does he; neither of you acts normal for the rest of the evening and the date is such a distraction that you can’t enjoy the play, symphony, movie, etc. If the scene you acted out the entire evening was in a movie or a television show, you would never believe it was real.
My preference is to date people who do not fit that criteria. Best dates ever – “hey, there’s this volunteer thing going on…” Or, “I’ve got this thing I’ve got to go to for work…” “Hey, I’ve got to drive to Nashville to pick up a regulator for my SCUBA tank, want to come?” – Was my best personal date ever. What I loved about these dates was that I was asked out on them as the person just really enjoyed my company and felt that if I were with them, whatever they were doing would be more fun.
These kinds of dates can be dangerous, so be careful about saying, “yes.” This should ideally be with someone that you also feel makes any task more enjoyable. These are great “turn a friend into something else” opportunities. But, there is nothing more romantic than being out at some event – like a volunteer opportunity – and having the guy who’s interested in you getting you coffee, checking in how you’re doing, etc. If they make it obvious that the two of you are there “together” it’s a fantastic feeling, much more romantic than flowers and candy and a trip to an Opera you didn’t have any interest in any way.
This date can be a lot of fun because it gives each of you something to do. You have time to be together as well as to enjoy that before all the pressure of “tell me about yourself.” Of course, if the date goes well, you can always take a well-needed stop at a coffee shop afterward to learn about each other.
These after date coffees additionally may assist you in getting through the pattern which may sound the same after going on several dates with several various individuals. After all, you have something to talk about due to experiencing the same event. Talking through it – what you each found funny or irritating or inspiring. This will definitely give you some idea about whether or not you share a similar view onto the world.
It is also really helpful to pass this preference along to friends who attempt to set you up. This works as a pre screener. If you like environmental organizations and the “set up” date won’t meet you at an Earth Day volunteer booth”you may already have all the information you required without having to suffer through a date.
And, in the end, I like having memories that did not come out of a greeting card or a jewelry add. I am me, and I want my love life to be unique – not a cookie-cutter version of what other person thinks the dating formula should add up to.
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