What do you do if you want to get married, but one or both of you have Children? The Children may be from prior marriages or other circumstance. The challenge of dealing with Kids is always a big concern.
Will the Youngsters resent being left out of your wedding?
Pressuring Children to do things in public can leave deep emotional scars.
When it comes to mixing families, there is no sure formula. Kids and adults have a whole mix of feelings, expectations, and needs.
Begin the process of building appropriate relationships by considering the capabilities, needs, and desires of Youngsters and adults. Youngsters do not have the maturity or experience to deal with adult situations, therefore, adults must be supportive of their emotional needs.
To foster a positive healthy family environment, the adults need to sort out their own feelings, values, priorities, desires, and relationships apart from the Youngsters. Then once the adults have mature understanding of themselves, they are in a position to relate to the Youngsters.
What do Children want? They want control of their own world. They want to feel loved, secure, protected, and accepted. They may not understand what they really want. Indeed, they may struggle to find peace with their changing world. One thing they do not want, however, is to be left out, ignored, or abandoned.
Prevent problems by building positive relationships with the Youngsters. Help the Kids accept the new adults in their lives before wedding pressures develop.
The goal of any couple with Kids planning to marry is to create a family where each member of the family feels loved, accepted, appreciated, and secure as part of the family. Dysfunctional families are no fun for anyone. When the family shares their hopes, dreams, and plans; everyone is blessed.
Prepare for your wedding by first strengthening the personal relationships. Adults and Youngsters need to feel connected and a wedding can be a great way to deepen and strengthen those bonds.
This is where wedding vows involving Kids comes in.
A few months ago, a couple approached me to perform their wedding for them. The bride had been married previously and an eight year old son named Todd. They were concerned about how the wedding would impact the boy.
Involving Todd in the ceremony was discussed during a wedding planning session and it was decided to pursue the possibilities.
Including Todd was a big deal. Todd was excited and his new parents looked forward to planning a great wedding for the family.
It was decided, that the ceremony itself would be designed around affirming each relationship: bride to groom, mother to child, new father to child, and the whole family together. We began by looking at the traditional vows and pledges. Obviously, they are designed for the bride and groom to express their commitments to each other. They do a pretty good job too. In this case, we decided to add a special set of vows to express the additional roles of parent to child.
The vows involving Todd were added to the usual vows. These were the words.
Bride: Todd, I love you. You are my son, and I will always love you, provide for you, and protect you.
Groom: Todd, I have promised to love your mother, but I now pledge to love you as my son. I promise to provide for you, protect you, and encourage you to become everything you desire.
Todd: I love you Mom and I love you Charles. I know you love me and promise to honor you as my parents and love you as your son.
Kids are important, and while the specifics may vary, including them in your wedding should be a wonderful celebration of family love.
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