Kids are always important considerations, but when you decide you want to get married, the Kids you already have become even more important.
Kids quickly notice when they are omitted.
Youngsters certainly do not want to be forced into doing objectionable things publicly.
When it comes to blending families, there is no sure formula. Youngsters and adults have a whole mix of feelings, expectations, and needs.
Youngsters cannot be expected to think or act like adults. Adults should avoid thinking or acting like Children. It is important for adults to give special consideration to the feelings and needs of Children.
To foster a positive healthy family environment, the adults need to sort out their own feelings, values, priorities, desires, and relationships apart from the Children. Then once the adults have mature understanding of themselves, they are in a position to relate to the Kids.
What do Kids want? They want control of their own world. They want to feel loved, secure, protected, and accepted. They may not understand what they really want. Indeed, they may struggle to find peace with their changing world. One thing they do not want, however, is to be left out, ignored, or abandoned.
Prevent problems by building positive relationships with the Children. Help the Youngsters accept the new adults in their lives before wedding pressures develop.
The goal of any couple with Youngsters planning to marry is to create a family where each member of the family feels loved, accepted, appreciated, and secure as part of the family. Dysfunctional families are no fun for anyone. When the family shares their hopes, dreams, and plans; everyone is blessed.
Caution is better than calamity. When positive relationships are built and the family feels good about one another, everything runs more smoothly including weddings.
So what do you do? Consider wedding vows involving Kids.
Todd is an eight year old boy whose mother has been dating for several months and wants to get married. She and her gentleman friend are concerned about Todds response.
After talking about the situation for a few minutes, I suggested that a meeting be planned that included the boy. At the meeting, we would discuss the upcoming wedding.
Todd attended the next planning session. He was genuinely excited about the possibility of having a new father and family. He thought it was great that his new parents would include him in their special moment.
It was decided that Todd would be included in the wedding ceremony by creating special vows for him.
The vows involving Todd were added to the usual vows. These were the words.
Bride: Because I love you, Todd, I ask that you accept Charles as my husband and your step father. I promise that I will always love, protect, and cherish you.
Groom: I love your mother, Todd, and I am committed to both of you. I pledge to love and honor, provide for and protect, and cherish you both.
Todd: Thank you Mom and (name) for loving me. I want you to be my parents and I will do my best to honor you as my parents.
Celebrate love and family together with your Children. It will go a long way toward launching your family.
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